ChoiceWords Blog

Posts Tagged: sexuality

Chimamanda and the Art of Not Knowing

If you’re even remotely close to a queer person of color, you’ve probably heard all of the lively debate and discussion over Chimamanda Ngozie Adicihie’s comments on trans womanhood. As one of the most prominent popular feminists of our time, Chimamanda is a writer known for Ted talks and books, including the critically acclaimed We Should All Be Feminists, which aims to explain feminism in the 21st century. As a non-binary femme,  I’m not going to break down why Chimamanda’s comments were harmful, incorrect, and transmisogynistic. Multiple black trans women have done so, and anything I could come up with would pale in comparison. Instead, I would like to take the time to acknowledge one thing about Chimamanda’s comments that I know to be true. She had no idea what… Read more »

What I Learned from a Year of Celibacy

  I was never taught to wait until marriage to have sex. My mother encouraged me to wait until I found the right person who I felt safe and secure with, and then I would know that I had found the one. Due to factors out of my control, I was not in control of my first sexual experience but when I found the right person in high school to have sex with, I felt safe and did not regret my decision. After my first time, I became enamored with sex. I thought about sex constantly, I was having sex consistently, and sex had become a part of my identity. My sexual identity began to change when I began attending a private Christian university in which sex was discouraged and… Read more »

Breaking: Bisexual Femme Actually Needs Birth Control

I started going to the gynecologist at the age of 17. My mom saw it as a rite of passage. I was a young woman, in my first serious relationship, and suffering with typical high school acne. In her eyes, of course I was going to get on the pill. Never mind the fact that the first time I asked my mom what sex was she claimed she had “never heard of it.” Never mind the fact that when I say the word “nipple” my mom tenses up to this day. We were going to do things the right way. The progressive way. Kristina was going to take ownership of her reproductive health, and get on birth control. I consistently went to the gynecologist for the next couple of years…. Read more »

Demi-What?

Demisexual: “a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.” Is this term new for you? It was new for me not too long ago, so don’t feel bad if you don’t recognize it. I stumbled across the term on tumblr—a place where I have learned many new words and definitions—and, curious, looked it up. And after I read the definition, I had to read it again. And again. And then I looked up more and more about demisexuality because finally, finally, finally, I had found the word that described my sexuality. I had never been sexually attracted to a stranger. I had never had passing thoughts of what it would be like to have sex with an acquaintance. In general, while… Read more »