Reclaiming Bodies, Desire, and Autonomy: Inclusive Sex Education in Action
Not all sexual education is created equal. Indeed, the two most common approaches – abstinence and comprehensive sexual education (CSE) differ significantly in how they approach and regard human sexual behavior. Resting on the belief that people should decide in their youth to wait until marriage, abstinence sexual education treats sexuality like a permanent commitment made in adolescence rather than something people can revisit, renegotiate and redefine as they grow and learn more about themselves. CSE on the other hand, emphasizes a more holistic approach, seeing the components of sexuality – sexual desire, knowledge, boundaries and relationships – as more dynamic and thus, subject to shifts and evolution. While CSE is crucial for all identity groups, I argue that CSE is particularly applicable for kink and polyamorous communities, where negotiation, consent, and personal agency are central to everyday sexual and relational life. Drawing from two self-conducted interviews, this piece examines how comprehensive sex education, when taught through inclusive and trauma-informed practices, supports self-awareness, boundary-setting, and community-based liberation.
Comprehensive sex education (CSE), as defined by the World Health Organization, goes beyond just anatomical lessons or cautionary tales about sexually transmitted diseases. It gives people honest, age-aligned information about their bodies, pleasure, boundaries, and relationships. It teaches the skills and values needed to communicate, respect consent, protect our health, and honor each other’s humanity. CSE positions sexuality as part of becoming whole — socially, emotionally, and physically — so we can make empowered choices instead of fearful ones. Its value lies in how it facilitates exploration of pleasure, consent, and relational autonomy in ways that affirm everyone’s identities and experiences. The following interviews delve deeper into the generative properties of a particular type of CSE called trauma-informed CSE.
Samantha’s Experience: Exploring Boundaries and Pleasure
Samantha Magnolia (she/they/all) is the founder of The Altar of Us by Ìyá Wellness, a sacred space merging ancestral wisdom and embodied healing. As a rootworker, birthkeeper, and somatic plant medicine facilitator, they guide Black, queer, and parenting folks toward reclamation and liberation. Much of the passive sexual education they received as a young person from their parents focused on safety and avoiding sexual assault: “My body felt unsafe,” they said, reflecting on the state of their nervous system after receiving a consequence-focused form of sexual education. Middle school education introduced the uterus, but little else. Samantha did not learn about penises, STDs, or the broader aspects of sexual anatomy, leaving them unsure of their boundaries or desires. Cultural and social pressures reinforced fawning behaviors—prioritizing others’ pleasure at the expense of their own in pursuit of safety.
Discovering Liberation Through Knowledge
Entering queer, poly, and kink spaces gave Samantha the tools to claim their boundaries and prioritize their pleasure as a central part of life, not just something secondary in service of others. “Education is empowerment, pleasure, bliss, community… it’s everything now,” they explained. Learning about anatomy, consent, and relational dynamics transformed how they interacted with friends and lovers alike. Consent became a dynamic conversation rather than a static “yes,” allowing Samantha to navigate sexual and interpersonal relationships with confidence, clarity, and a deeper awareness of their own needs. They noted that poly and kink communities offer constant practice in negotiation and boundary-setting, which are lessons CSE should teach to all students.
Embodiment, Consent, and Community
Samantha emphasizes the importance of embodied practice: solo exploration, discussion of boundaries with partners prior to engaging in kink scenes, sex, and other forms of intimate connection. Additionally, Samantha recommends practicing consent in safe community spaces like kink gatherings. “Start within. When you [let] loose at a kink party, you get to be surprised at yourself,” they said. These practices foster both self-awareness and communal accountability, illustrating that sexual liberation is both personal and relational.
Vision for Inclusive Sex Ed
Samantha envisions sex education that moves beyond anatomy to fully integrate consent, pleasure, trauma-awareness, and relational skills, centering queer, poly, and kink identities while benefiting all communities. Even as someone who identifies as asexual, they emphasize that sexuality and sensuality are inseparable from intimacy: “You can’t have sex without sensuality. It is the final play. The more we are willing to talk about pleasure, sex, and intimacy, the deeper we get to go,” they explained.
Their ideal approach begins with somatic awareness—learning to feel and understand one’s own body, desires, and boundaries—before engaging in community or sexual spaces. “Start within…When you’ve done your work, it’s easier to move in community,” Samantha shared. For them, comprehensive sex education is fundamentally about liberation, teaching people to release fear, explore safely, and co-create shared visions of intimacy and consent. “Knowing yourself, your body, and your community makes liberation possible—one yes and one no at a time,” they said.
Samantha’s commitment to comprehensive sex education isn’t theoretical — it’s woven into the way she rootworks, nurtures, and tends to the body. Her practice blends science, spirit, and ancestral memory to guide descendants of the diaspora back into agency, consent, and sovereignty over their pleasure. By centering mind-body awareness and trauma-informed care, she helps learners explore desire safely, speak their boundaries with confidence, and build relationships that feel liberated — with partners, with community, and with themselves.
She is currently accepting clients, working with individuals and communities to embody their inner knowing, nurture their bodies, and reawaken their connection to ancestral and cosmic wisdom. For more about her offerings, visit her website at The Altar of Us by Ìyá Wellness.
Alicia’s Experiences: Liberation Through Knowledge and Practice
Alicia Ortiz (a.LEE.cee.a) has spent her career at the intersection of music and social action. She’s a professional vocalist with a community organizing background, often hired to write/perform personalized songs addressing distinct sociopolitical themes. She currently teaches empowerment self-defense, healthy relationship skills, and sex education in Boston, MA.
Early Lessons and Limited Knowledge
Alicia shared a similarly fragmented start that echoed Ìyá’s comments in my first interview. Like many of us, she received only the bare minimum: warnings about sexual assault and the familiar. As a child, she received early lessons about avoiding sexual assault alongside the familiar “don’t touch yourself” talk: “When I was five, I got the ‘don’t touch yourself’ conversation. It wasn’t scolding, but I didn’t have language for my body or pleasure.” Beyond these lessons, Alicia noted that young children often lack the words or understanding to assert agency over their own bodies—unable to say no to hugs, kisses, or other physical interactions—even when they feel uncomfortable. “Young kids not having agency about being touched sticks with people longer than many realize. I internalized that my pleasure didn’t matter; it was about someone else,” she explained. While Alicia herself was never assaulted, this awareness also comes from witnessing the experiences of friends, coworkers, and partners who were harmed, blending personal insight with solidarity and highlighting the importance of teaching consent and bodily autonomy from an early age.
The Mind-Body Connection and Trauma Awareness
Alicia emphasized that comprehensive sex education extends beyond mechanics to include mind-body awareness and trauma-informed approaches. “Being trauma-informed, understanding anatomy, communication, and relational dynamics—it’s how we embody sex,” she explained.
Trauma-informed CSE looks like integrating somatic awareness, relational skills, and clear communication so learners can explore pleasure, set boundaries, and navigate intimacy safely. Alicia drew resiliency by learning techniques such as self-defense and asserting agency over her body during medical exams.
“Sex is connected to mental awareness. Many people have trauma—from consensual dating to sexual assault—and embodying this knowledge is essential for liberation.”
Practicing Autonomy and Communication
For Alicia, practical skills are central to sexual empowerment. She encourages solo exploration, discussion of boundaries prior to engaging in sex, and practicing consent in safe contexts: She also models relational awareness in daily communications with family, friends, co-workers, and lovers alike: “Before giving advice, I ask, ‘Do you want advice or do you just want to vent?’ It’s about supporting others while maintaining accountability.”
Alicia stresses that sexual education must be applicable to real life. “Enthusiastic, yes, is a good start, but it doesn’t capture nuance. Learning to navigate consent, boundaries, and pleasure continuously is essential. Sexual liberation is the catalyst for all trauma—it teaches courage to assert your needs everywhere, from lovers to bosses to community spaces.”
Imagining Comprehensive Sex Ed for Marginalized Communities
Alicia envisions inclusive sex education as holistic, trauma-informed, and practical. It should integrate somatic awareness, communication skills, relational dynamics, and safety practices, centering marginalized identities while equipping all learners to navigate intimacy, boundaries, and pleasure confidently. Centering queer, poly, and kink-identified people of color equips all learners to navigate intimacy, boundaries, and pleasure safely
Conclusion
The stories of Samantha and Alicia reveal how inclusive, trauma-informed sex education transforms lives. From establishing early boundaries to reclaiming pleasure and consent, both highlight that knowledge is liberation. Centering marginalized identities empowers agency, cultivates self-awareness, and strengthens community accountability. Comprehensive sex education equips queer, poly, and kink-identified people of color to explore pleasure, consent, and relational autonomy in ways that affirm their experiences
Zora EM (they/he) is a trans, nonbinary, Black sex educator, coach, and creative storyteller. Their work centers on sexual empowerment, consent, and pleasure as tools of liberation, …
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