Sometimes Messy but Always Ours: The Power of Honest Abortion Storytelling

When it comes to abortion, everyone seems to have an opinion — and for some odd reason, the loudest ones don’t come from people who’ve actually experienced it. For decades, abortion stories have fallen under two extremes: fear-based propaganda on one side, and glossy, girlboss empowerment narratives on the other. But real abortion experiences don’t fit neatly into either box. To be real, experiences with abortion are just as complicated and human as the people who experience it.

This tension becomes especially clear when we look at self-managed abortion (SMA). SMA is a method for terminating a pregnancy that allows a pregnant person to use pills to end their pregnancy safely outside of a clinical setting.

 The Problem with “Perfect” Narratives

Public conversations about abortion are often trapped in binaries. Anti-abortion campaigns rely on fear and shame to control the narrative, painting abortion as dangerous or immoral. For example, the National Right to Life launched a campaign titled “Don’t Swallow The Lie!” where they argued that women are being misled and not made aware of the dangers that come with taking abortion pills. The campaign stated: “[w]omen are being lured into obtaining pills from out-of-state, which adds more risk to an already-dangerous drug,” and that”[i]Inadequate studies are used to claim that complications are rare.”

In response, some progressive messaging swings the other way — centering only stories of pride, ease, and unshakable certainty. Organizations like Shout Your Abortion center themselves around sharing stories of people who take pride in their abortions with unwavering confidence.

But both framings, even with good intentions, can erase the complexities. They leave out the people whose experiences are layered — those who felt both relief and sadness, who juggled work meetings between cramps, and those who had to search the internet for hours to find trustworthy pills.

What Self-Managed Abortion Really Looks Like

SMA is a convenient and accessible way for people to manage their care on their own terms. Research done by Ibis Reproductive Health shows that about 47% of people who attempted SMA said they chose it because it seemed faster or easier, and another 25% cited the high cost of clinic-based care.

But finding pills under restrictive laws can feel scary and intimidating. After Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022, many states enacted trigger laws and new bans, making access to abortions quite difficult. According to the Guttmacher Institute, as of 2025, 12 states have total abortion bans, 29 states have abortion bans based on gestational duration, and another 7 states ban abortion at or before 18 weeks’ gestation. The remaining 22 states ban abortion at some point after 18 weeks.

And yet, there’s something powerful about the radical act of taking care of yourself when the system won’t. Of trusting your own body and instincts. Of saying, I know what I need, and I have the right to do it.

Why Honest Storytelling Is Revolutionary

Telling the whole truth about abortion is an act of resistance. Honest storytelling pushes back against both silence and oversimplification. It makes room for the messy parts: the mixed emotions, the uncertainty, and the quiet moments of courage.

When someone shares their SMA story, they’re not just telling us what happened. They’re reminding us what’s possible. They’re saying that abortion isn’t a scandal or a slogan — it’s care. It’s autonomy. It’s survival.

A very close friend of mine, Sarah, recounts her experience with misoprostol: “I knew I wasn’t prepared for what this pregnancy meant, so even though my state’s laws prevented me from doing what I knew I needed to do, I drove across state lines for access,” she stated.

And while Sarah has expressed extreme gratitude for having the community and the resources that allowed her to have access to misoprostol, she shared, “I was about to be 12 weeks, so I knew the expulsion of the pregnancy would be more painful. The pain I did feel was excruciating. It was at about a 10 on the pain scale and lasted about an hour. But I’m glad I was able to do it at home because I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.”

It’s important to hear stories like these because each one chips away at stigma and expands what we collectively understand abortion to be. When we see abortion only as tragic or celebratory, we lose sight of its humanity.

Embracing the Full Picture

The truth is: abortion doesn’t need to be framed as either tragic or triumphant to be legitimate. It can be both — or neither — and still be worthy of care, dignity and respect.

To reclaim abortion is to reclaim the fullness of the experience: the messy, the meaningful and the mundane. “Sometimes messy” doesn’t mean broken or wrong; it means real. “Often meaningful” doesn’t mean perfect; it means deeply felt. And “always ours” means exactly that: our bodies, our choices, our stories.

Sometimes messy, often meaningful, always ours. That’s the truth worth telling.